Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.
Mick:  "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."



Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're having sex wij your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says, "Well the jokes on them, cos' I wasn't even at home yesterday!"



Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing  with himself in front of a tractor.
Mick says, "B' Jesus Paddy, what ya doing?"  Paddy  says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do  something sexy to attracter.....



Paddy says to Mick  - "I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
Three years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
Two years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
Mick asks - "So what are you going to do this year?".
Paddy replies, - "I'll take her with  me!"


Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this  year".
Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."


Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him.  "Did you find the shampoo?"
Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet  mine."