The Meeting Place

Will you regret anything when you die?

Jokes aside, what are your 5 things you think you will regret, be honest?

Bronnie Ware is an Australian palliative nurse who spent years taking care of the dying in the last three months of their lives.


“When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

She eventually put together the five most common regrets from people moments away from their last breath and posted it on her blog. It went viral, and the story was picked up by The Guardian and The Daily Mail, among others.

So what were the greatest regrets she heard from patient after patient? Didn’t make enough money? Didn’t work enough hours? Not enough vacations? Not enough homes? No. Not even close. The 5 Greatest Regrets of the Dying are:

  • I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

  • I wish I hadn't worked so hard

  • I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

  • I wish that I had let myself be happier 

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26 comments

Sophie, look who's talking?  You were the one who was very negative about the article.  Bonnie just shared to us her experience with the dying.   Every individual is different.

Well, good that you are one less lonely people in the world!  Congrats on your book!

I posted this thread but it was written by Bonnie Ware who wanted people to think about their regrets earlier in life which I think is great. I have not read her book.

Sophie, look who's talking?  You were the one who was very negative about the article.  Bonnie just shared to us her experience with the dying.   Every individual is different.

Well, good that you are one less lonely people in the world!  Congrats on your book!

Sophie, look who's talking?  You were the one who was very negative about the article.  Bonnie just shared to us her experience with the dying.   Every individual is different.

Well, good that you are one less lonely people in the world!  Congrats on your book!

I have no idea why you attack me because I have control over my life Yme. However, I understand from extensive reading that some people hate that trait in others and also dislike seeing other people contented and happy.

This is a quote from Bronnie Ware… “I am deeply committed to regret-free living in my own life”

Perhaps you and Inognito could visit her site and learn from her…that's Bronnie on the right.

 

Five Regrets of The Dying: Marie Forleo & Bronnie Ware - VoiceTube

Strange you attack me, which you have been happy to do on many occasions and yet when you think someone is having a go at you, you accuse them of attacking you.

I have no regrets, just because I put my list up means that I have had some things I wish I would have done differently does not mean I am not over them. I don't need to learn anything from you or Bronnie thank you. At lease Shetso1 is honest.

Then why did you put up the thread? Back peddling is not a good trait!

Shetso1 is very honest and in my view shows great emotional intelligence. The response to her at the bottom of the previous page, by you Sophie, is an arrogant attack and displays the opposite of emotional intelligence. 

Thanks everyone for all your comments so far, good and bad and in between. Please note that I did not write the words that Bonnie Ware wrote, I copied and pasted the article and then replied with my comments.

Let's keep it interesting, if you have not regrets think about what you may have done differently if given the chance.

Don't be too put off by some of the comments Incog, some of us think it's an interesting thread, or we wouldn't bother to open it in the first place would we?  ;)

Your comment about given the chance would we do things differently is interesting too.  I'm sure we've all spoken out of turn at some point in our lives for instance.  Or maybe we wish we never posted something on social media.  LOL.  We may not actually regret what we said but if we could turn the clock back we might not be so quick to do it again.

Apart from this little guy.  He never has any regrets.  LOL

HITS THE SEND BUTTON NO REGRETS - Success Kid | Meme Generator

Thanks for your support Leonie, I was hoping for interesting and pleasant discussions on what one may have done differently and not have it turn into something else which I cannot put a word to.

I thought the article was interesting food for thought but not meant to become a personal thing, just discussions about how life could have been different if we had made other choices for example. Regrets do not mean you take them to the grave, I have got over mine, so my list is just what I thought about at the time of writing, but as you say, maybe I regret even listing that lol.

 

I think I can sum up my life by the song "My Way". "I've lived a life's that full, I travelled each and every highway, and more, much more than this, I did it my way." "Regrets, I've had a few, but then again to few to mention..........."  Gratitude is so important, I'm so grateful of meeting lovely people who were in the process of dying, and I've sat with them until the end. I was always afraid of dying, but not now, it is a blessed releif . Ever so grateful for my beautiful family and friends.  When people say hurtful remarks about others, It only proves they were bullies when they were young.

 

 

Well said Hola.

Why is it "well said" toot? It woud be nice if you could explain that. Hola, has made very hurtful remarks to others over the years, but as usual, some people fail to remove the log in their own eye before opening their mouth!

Sara Topolewski @sara_top80 - Be so busy loving your life that you ...

Hola, has made very hurtful remarks to others over the years

I have no experience of Hola making hurtful remarks Sophie, I have found her posts quite the opposite.

You can only speak from your own experience toot...enough said.

Thanks Hola, I am glad you have has a fulfilling and happy life, we can all get over our regrets or whatever we think we may have done differently, but it what makes us human after all, learn by doing or not doing or doing it wrong in the first place. I also think we need to give more people space to recover from past deeds and let them become better people, some do not get that chance.

Sophie why are you always saying others make hurtful remarks when I have seen you do the same? 

Life is too short not to be nice to eachother!

These arguements make people very anxious and apprehensive to chat away on the group.

I have not seen Hola being nasty Sophie I really haven't I always thought she was the opposite trying to keep the peace.

Lets just agree to disagree ladies please.

Thanks Celia :)

I'm afraid Sophie you come across as a very bitter person, always having a dig at someone. What hurtfull remarks have I ever made?, I sometimes stand up for what I believe in  but you act all high and mighty when someone makes a remark that you don't like.  Maybe you should take the log out of your own eye, before opening your mouth.?   

 

Never "bitter" Hola...just brutally honest. You can take that any way you and Incognito like. No skin off my nose! I simply cannot stand hypocrites.

 

Why are you shouting at me now?  Must have hit a nerve. That's the pot calling the kettle black. 

"Shouting" my dear, is using CAPITALS ..are you not aware of that?

You have been using a computer for a long time, I'm sure.

You'll have to learn some NetLingo Hola...

 

SHOUTING

a.k.a. writing in ALL CAPS

If someone tells you to stop shouting, it's another way of saying, "TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK." When someone is TYPING AN ENTIRE SENTENCE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, that person is SHOUTING. It is not proper netiquette to TYPE IN ALL CAPS, especially in e-mail.

 

 

I no longer wish to discuss matters with you, now you are trying to make me look foolish by telling me to learn NetLingo, I taught myself to use a computer.  This is the last discussion I will ever have with you. 

You taught yourself to use the computer...well done!

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Thanks Toot and Incognito for those encourageing remarks. As the song goes "We're all in This Together", not to

hurt each other, just get along. 

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

I wish I hadn't worked so hard

I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

I wish that I had let myself be happier 

Must admit I am very surprised at this List Incognito. 

However, we are not all the same, gosh if we were all the same, how boring life would be.

I was approaching 40 and I thought to myself this is my life, why should I be walking around on eggshells!

So I said to myself and my family and friends,  I am me, I have my own life to lead, if you don't like me that is fine!      I want to be able to live my life as I see fit and bring my children up to be loving individuals. Not duplicate copies of their friends.     I do not think people should keep going out of their way to please others, it takes two to tango.

I do not like people that pretend to be a friend when they are not, these people try to judge the friends persona and then act accordingly!  Who are they trying to kid?

So if I don't agree with a statement I will agree to disagree no hard feelings, if you do have hard feelings then we will just have to go our separate ways it really really doesn't bother me!  [I stated]

It is called respect for peoples feelings.

I do not have a wide group of buddies, but I have them all over the planet from Aruba to any point of the map.

We have all become old!    We are nearly all experiencing the stages of life that makes one stop to think. 

As I told the nursing sister yesterday, I have turned into my own mother!  LOL

Mum passed away aged 91 but in her mind she was around 41!  She still could add up a long column of numbers too!   Sparkling blue eyes but suffering from arthritis in the hands, much as she tried to get a workout on the baby grand!  LOL    She spent the WWII years in Liverpool UK with all the bombs dropping around them.   One thing that upset mum was she asked a friend to swamp night duties, so mum had a date with dad that night, sadly the ammunition factory was bombed that night and she lost her friend.

 

Mum was given a month to live on 12th of December a decade ago,  she had cancer of the Gallbladder very suddenly, it was a shock to us all, we thought she would live to a 100.

Wish I had not worked so hard, that is everyones choice. I don't think any parent should slave their guts off for their children, the children work in with the family not the other way around in my book.  The children should be helping their parents!

I think in the last 30 years especially parents have done much too much for their offspring they expect too much. As for saying these days life is much more difficult for students, well how come so many Asian students do well in their exams in this country, they  are teenagers and have come from an overseas country and still have to experience long hours of study and doing their own grocery shopping and cooking their own meals.

Years ago I had a friend that could not afford [in the UK this is], the heating for their home. They sat huddled up together with the little black and white tv on, the children had to either study in a cold bedroom or in front of the tv and fire.    

I am sure there were several millions in that predicament after WWII.

So why are Australian children so spoilt?

I wish I had the courage to express my feelings?

That is so very very sad, what are people scared of?

That to me sounds like a situation that a person has been totally and utterly brainwashed by someone. What are you really really scared of?    

It is not a case of standing up in front of a million or ten people to give a speech!  Your opinion is just as good as Freda Smiths or Bob Bingle!    Inferiority is very sad.

I wish I had kept in touch with my friends!

That reminds me I have last Christmas found a girlfriend in the UK that I had lost touch with about 20 years ago!  I was so thrilled when I had a reply from this girlfriend, we met at Brownies in 1954!  

The last time I saw my friend we were staying with them in Somerset UK, something happened I knew from the lack of letters.  To cut a long story short I had found her husband a forensic dentist, if there was an accident or plane crash he would be off to all points of the compas.   

Sadly they split up but we are now emailing and not snail mailing.  Have some very happy memories of our childhood together, she used to live around the corner and up the hill!  LOL   She had one little sister and two mischievious younger brothers who went onto become officers on one of the Shaw Savil Lines.

I remember returned from Perth to the UK for two years, we had not seen eachother since we had been nearly 14, she met me off the train at Euston Station in London and she looked at me and said you look no different!    WHAT!  I said I am 21 now and I still look fourteen!  LOL we laughed.

I wish I had let myself be happier.

Apart from ill health episodes I have always tried to see good in life, and I like to be a happy person,  what angers me is cruetly to animals and other cruel acts of the human.  Only in the news today we have a story in India where an office worker reminded a male that he didn't have his face mask on, which he was meant to have worn. So he lost his temper took a chair broke the handle off it and started hitting the woman that reminded him!  He beat her badly and she has ended up in hospital from the report.

Was he mad at himself? Probably this is typical of a weak insecure person, sad.

I cannot understand miserable people, why are so many people angry, why do so many people end up on drugs. Going to a nightclub and getting laced is no fun, if that is all a person sees of fun then they need to get a life and stop blaming others for their drug addiction. 

Ok so some folks will say they take the drugs to hide the pain!   We all have pain we just have to get around it the best we can, from breaking an ankle with all the ligaments broken to boot was not a happy event for me, neither was herniating three discs in my spine, I had to have morphine and get on with life.  No I didn't get addicted to the times I have had morphine, doctor say people do not get addicted to morphine when they need it, it is those that take it for the experience that gets them hooked stupid people.

Well thats my thought on those sentences Incognito!

I guess our lives are not that long, when you are 25 you think it will be a million years before we turn 60 but as you know all too soon, the years arrive and the 70 birthday is celebrated!   [grin]

                                  fckng-jazz-it-up-blog: “ Swing out is awsome. Even if it is ...

 

 

Celia -  I loved reading your memoirs. What an interesting life. 

Lovely comments Celia, I enjoyed reading it, thank you so much for sharing, especially the little stories, how sad about your mum's friend.

Did you used to dance like those two in the picture? People really knew how to move, too bad many just sit in front of a screen now (yes I know there are some dance offs online and entertainment places are closed).

I so agree with the children thing, yes far too many parents are giving their kids too much material things and not enough of their time, a real sad thing, have the latest and greatest "thing" and then they grow up seeking attention from whatever means good or bad.

I have a seven year old living next door now and everytime he see's me is seeking attention, and I hardly know him yet. Mum says go off and play your game inside, and yet he wants to be outside being a boy, breaks my heart.

Great post Celia. Thank you.

Thanks guys!    Glad you enjoyed the ramblings of an old lady!  LOL

Now to get back into the car and go up to the doctors.

Thanks for sharing Celia, it takes courage to lay your life open for everyone to see.

Now Yme..why don't  you write a nice account of your life like Celia instead of trolling me!

Really enjoyed that Celia...and may I say those are not "the ramblings of an old lady" but a person who is young at heart!

 

 

Hi Hola!  I didn't see you up there~! Sorry and thank you.  

Hi Incognito!   I always envied couples dancing like that, to answer your question no I didn't, but I was into ballroom dancing!   [with first husband met him at a dance he taught part time] I wish our sons had taken up ballroom.

I was more like Betty Boop!

GIF shall we dance - animated GIF on GIFER

 

It just made me think of one more regret, to learn to rock n roll dance, not sure I could be bothered getting dressed up and learning now, would keep you fit though. I think I would like to watch from the sidelines though.

 

Soon after our own wedding it was my husbands best mans turn, down in Manjimup.  In a little town that used saw mill and have many farms around there.  The reception was held at a really old Dance hall out in the bush, the music started and all of a sudden I was swept onto the dance floor by my groom to my embarrasement everyone stood on the sidelines and watched us dance!  Cringe cringe!  I was wearing a hat too, talk about a difficult manoeuvre to keep ones hat on having just come inside.

After my eldest was born we still used to go dancing my parents used to baby sit him. 

Reminds me, as a teenager we used to head to the local bush dances once a month, was so much fun dancing with all ages, kids and all. Always had really good suppers on too with the oldies making lots of food (those days I ate more variety of food than I do now).

I am in awe why this person Sophie is in the mood to be bitter to everyone.  She accused me and Incognito, and a couple more of attacking her?  How? She has only to read everyone's comment word by word, there's nothing there to be bitter about.

She first of all commented badly on my pseudoname.  Then she gives technical lessons about computer lingo.  She makes us all appear to be stupid.  

i have read everyone's comments and nothing like Sophie's offending tone.  

P.S.  Por que (right spelling) is Spanish for why

Don’t think you’ve fooled me Yme..I do know who you are, so will have some fun with you. Now for a couple of lessons…

It’s por qué …you left out the accent over the ‘e.’  I was not writing in Spanish though…the language used was French and “pourquoi” in French means “why.”

Secondly, “pseudoname” … what's that? I believe you mean “pseudonym.”

Never mind Yme, always here to help..sincerely, the Pink Fairy…

Tinker Bell Fairy Dust GIFs | Tenor

hahaha, come on you can tell me who it is LOL

I think the experience of women is very much attached to the era they grow up in. Girls these days have greater expectations of themselves than they did in my day and in turn I expected more from life than my mother. However, when I got married I placed greater emphasis on my husband's career development than my own. I did year 11 and 12 in one year and won 2 scholarships to University, a Commonwealth scholarship and a Teacher's scholarship. Then I fell pregnant and we got married. My husband and I could not both afford to go to university and pay for childcare and since he was already there it was decided that I would work to see him through to a degree before I attempted same. Then we moved to the country and my university options in the 1980's in my region were limited and we got hit with the high mortgage interest rates. By this time we had 3 children and I worked in fruit picking and packing to help us pay our mortgage and other living expenses. I finally found my way to getting my degree and to working in the field I wanted to work but I do regret that early decision that my husband's career was more important than the career that I wanted to pursue. All this way down the track it doesn't seem to matter because we have had a happy life and have got by in difficult times but I made my life and career achievement more complicated by elevating male achievement over my own at such an early age. So at this stage of my life it is no longer a regret but I do understand Incognito when you say you regret undermining your own potential as a young girl by committing to office work rather than getting a degree. I think it might be a fairly common story for women born in the 1950s, 60s and earlier so this is my reason for revealing my story in this regard. It's a story that other women of our era might identify with.

Thanks for sharing Ny19. I can understand you would have always wondered if you had taken one of those scholarships, at least you would not have had to work so hard fruit picking/packing. But great you finally go to pursue your degree.

My mum felt the same, she always said she had the brains to do more and spent her life being a frustrated mother, but I was always forever grateful that she was always there for us and having someone at home when you get home from school, many kids do not have that these days sadly.

PS: Incognito may be a man or a woman. 

Ny19 yes  I hear where you are coming from, wish I had been born ten years later!  I think girls had better opportunities getting towards 1960s.    My husband keeps on at me about doing a night course at uni.  I am too old now.

My late father in law won some scholarships, but his mother sadly passed away about the same time and he had to help his younger siblings, so he went out to become a diesel mechanic.

I always wanted to be a carpenter, it is great that girls can do trades these days.

Reminded me Incognito as a Girl Guide we used to have a camp away from home each summer in the UK;  we always used to whittle wood and make all sorts of things to stand our things on off the ground and make coat hangers use string to tie them up on the main support in the tent! 

 

 

Yes I agree that it is very important that children have a mum or dad to spend the very important 1st years of their life with before they start school --- rather than these preschool or kindergarten -- they can learn so much from mum or dad -- and also come home to after school -- yes I know it is hard to manage on one wage -- but it can be done  -- I know I did it and I got a job in school hours when my Son was at school --

You would miss so much of the most important time of a child's life if you do not spend it with them as it is the 1st 7 years that are the most important

I was never sorry I did

 

 

                 Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it ...          

Katherine Mansfield was born Kathleen Mansfield Beauchamp in Wellington, New Zealand, on October 14, 1888. Innovative, accessible, and psychologically acute, Mansfield’s numerous short stories pioneered the genre’s shape in the 20th century. Her fiction, poetry, journals, and letters cover an array of subjects: the difficulties and ambivalences of families and sexuality, the fragility and vulnerability of relationships, the complexities and insensitivities of the rising middle classes, the social consequences of war, and overwhelmingly the attempt to extract whatever beauty and vitality one can from mundane and increasingly difficult experience. Educated in Wellington and London, Mansfield left New Zealand for England at the age of 19 to begin a career as an author…a very successful one .

Mansfield was plagued by tuberculosis during the last five years of her life. her work was “a kind of purity,” not only one of style or vision but of her whole life, her absolute fidelity “to some spirit of truth which she served.” Above all, Mansfield has consistently been praised for the compression and understatement of her writing, as well as for her capacity to pack complex emotion and thought into the deceptively simple and direct outlines of her work.

(Excerpt taken from the Poetry Foundation).

Since childhood, I have been a great admirer of Katherine Mansfield..her writings have greatly influenced me.

 

Nope Sophie can't agree with the Katherine Mansfield quote:

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never look back...and so on and so forth".

Surely with emotionally  charged states like regret or shame or embarrassment or disappointment or sadness etc. etc. etc. it would seem healthier to allow people to experience it and process their way through it.

And for some that may mean being with a certain emotion for a time -be it short or long - in order to rationalise it, learn from it and even grow as a human being through this process.

It doesn't mean people are immobilised by this reflective process and their lives go on, but it does mean they allow themselves to work through something that has sparked overwhelm or impact of some sort.

Surely there must be times in a human life when regret or disappointment or embarrassment or shame or whatever are completely appropriate, and to deny people time to process and reflect on these completely normal emotions would have to be akin to something close to cruelty or 'pollyannarism' to the point of insanity.

You almost have to wonder if Mansfield having stipulated such an unrealistic  and unhealthy emotional dictate on her own psyche, was perhaps a little afraid of her own unprocessed regrets and memories, and the only way she could move forward was to never allow herself to feel regret or to reflect on her past.

Actually the quote itself makes Mansfield seem sort of sad and frightened in my opinion.

Just my thoughts.

 

 

The first thing that is taught in communication clases is be responsible for your own emotions!

I have to accept what my emotions are and get on with life, if I have made a mistake thats it, I live with it.

 

The first thing that is taught in communication clases is be responsible for your own emotions!

I have to accept what my emotions are and get on with life, if I have made a mistake thats it, I live with it.

A lot of people do deny their emotions I feeling, when quized, which some folks cannot cope with.  They find it easier to deny an emotion;  just look at politicians!  LOL   

 

 

Like now when I have made a mistake writing, never have enough time to go and make a cup of tea and come back again!

Yep, Mansfield's got the right idea and she reminds me of Ayn Rand, another great lady with similar thoughts. Gotta go but depart leaving this great advice for all who can't quite grasp life.

 

The pity train has just derailed | Ecards funny, Funny quotes ...

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