The Meeting Place

Will you regret anything when you die?

Jokes aside, what are your 5 things you think you will regret, be honest?

Bronnie Ware is an Australian palliative nurse who spent years taking care of the dying in the last three months of their lives.


“When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

She eventually put together the five most common regrets from people moments away from their last breath and posted it on her blog. It went viral, and the story was picked up by The Guardian and The Daily Mail, among others.

So what were the greatest regrets she heard from patient after patient? Didn’t make enough money? Didn’t work enough hours? Not enough vacations? Not enough homes? No. Not even close. The 5 Greatest Regrets of the Dying are:

  • I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

  • I wish I hadn't worked so hard

  • I wish I had the courage to express my feelings

  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

  • I wish that I had let myself be happier 

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Mine are in no order of importance:

1: I wish I had pursued a better career choice and went to University instead of taking on an office trainee job that led me to misery and nowhere.

2: I wish I had bought a house first instead of travelling when I was younger.

3: I wish I had been more aware, assertive and expressed my feelings to those who used me and did not care about me and were only in it for themselves.

4: I wish I had never smoked, drank alcohol and partied and wasted my days away when I was younger instead of pursuing a better life and better health. I blame smoking for wrinkles.

5: I wish I had been able to develop a better and closer relationship with friends, family and relatives.

That is what I came up with on the top of my head but I might think of others that are more important and change them later.

So you have had a perfect life, lucky you. Not going to waste my time watching youtube videos that you post, that I might regret lol.

I am pretty sure you had a look Incognito, you’re fooling no one! An apt song and one of my favourites Lucca, thank you. This is for you Incognito…

Edith Piaf (nicknamed the Little Sparrow) was born in 1915,one of France’s most famous singers she started life in Belleville, a working-class district of Paris. She was the daughter of street performers. When she was still quite young, her mother left the family.

Piaf’s early years were lived in poverty and hardship. As a child her home was either on the streets, in cheap hostels or with her grandmothers, one of whom ran a brothel in Normandy. At the age of 17 she gave birth after a brief love affair, but the girl died at the age of two from meningitis.

Her life was marred by sadness and in spite of hardships endured, you’d think she would be bitter, but, she did not “regret” anything hence the global popularity of her song which people relate to.

Regret is a two edged sword. To regret what you have or have not done for yourself  is pointless. The boat has already left the shore and set sail on the seven seas! Regret is a roadblock that holds up the rest of your life.

On the other hand, to regret what you may have done to others is worthwhile, since it hopefully gives you the wisdom and courage not to repeat these acts in the future.

Just my opinion, blah, blah, blah!

No did not watch the video, I don't have endless data so use it wisely.

I now accept my life, warts and all, for what it was and is now  including a few big regrets. There is no perfect way of living except to do our best whatever that is and I also try to do no harm - which is actually easier to say than do.  

No there is no perfect life, I was just hoping to hear some interesting regrets even if you have got over them and not longer regret them.

Hmm!

Think I may just have enough time to work on a number of these. 

Getting out of bed every morning targeting some of my deficiencies in these regards may just be a better awaking then I experience some days.

Waste of time regretting anything. What's done is done, as Shakespeare said.  A modern quote is "I've done all the dumb things", although I didn't.

I can happily say that Incognito's list is not mine, and I advise against No3, because voicing your feelings never did me any good at all. No5 also fails a bit, as every relationship ends in tragedy. Every one of them.

Just get on with doing what you can, now, and the past is just that, past. You can't change it, or do it over. Learn from it.

You might waste your breath and give some advice to your younger folk, but they will continue to make the same mistakes as you did, possibly worse, but rarely different.  Might as well sit back and say "I told you so..." as you pass away.

Happy days...

 

Good point, regrets won't change the past, so move on

I do express my feelings now, but I was more talking about when I was younger when I felt I should have spoken up more (before becoming a parent, that changes everything).

Just because I put mine list as such I don't expect others to feel the same.

Give everything and have no regrets meme - AhSeeit

Someone else who has had a perfect life, lucky you.

I wish I,d become a minimilist years ago,,,,Instead of cruises I walk the country,I enjoy a roll and marmalade,a salad,, curry or a ham and tom sandwichThere are no picassos on my wall instead  amap of the world and one of Australia that I look at everytime I pass

I can relate to the minimilst thing, I am hoping in the future to have a tiny house so I cannot store too much. I agree looking at Australia there is a lot to see.

The 5 Greatest Regrets of the Dying, according to the writer Bronnie Ware and my replies!

"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me" (I did that, with the help of wonderful parents!).

"I wish I hadn't worked so hard" (I do believe in hard work, so I am not going to knock that).

"I wish I had the courage to express my feelings (never lacking in that direction. so no regrets!)

"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends" (I have, many of my friends today, have been in my life since school days..I cherish that).

"I wish that I had let myself be happier" (well no regrets on that score!)

I can honestly say, I have no real regrets. I do have fleeting moments of “what ifs” though…mind you, these are very short-lived. I have always been a Jill of many trades, mastering none, but enjoying everything I’ve done, warts and all, and I have my parents to thank for my outlook on life.

I think maybe what she meant when she said that "I wish I had not worked so hard" may have been at the cost of other things in her life. Not everyone is as lucky as you Sophie.

Thanks Incognito, this is a good thread, far more interesting than most. 

I think that anyone who says they have no regrets in life is having themselves on. We all make some poor choices  and some mistakes that we remember with a tinge of sorrow or perhaps a tinge of wonderment about how things might have been had we done this or that instead. It's a part of being human and being honest with oneself to admit it. Some choices have such dire consequences that it would be hard to not get stuck in regret. I have just read Kate McCann's book about the disappearance of little Madeleine and can easily imagine how one would never stop regretting the choices made on that fateful night when she was taken from her bed. Fortunately my regrets are small and life has given me much to feel grateful about so I don't feel stuck in wishing life was otherwise. 

Thanks Ny19 I like your comments, I was trying to get people to be honest whether there regrets are big, small or fleeting, I thought it might be interesting to share. I also have got over my regrets a long time ago but wrote what I thought would be the ones I would change if I could, still working on getting the house though.

I agree if you have had something as sad as what Kate McCann has had in her life she will die regretting even going out to dinner that night, not that she is to blame but a mother always blames themselves in the end. Things happen by chance and sadly it was just the wrong time and wrong place for them that ended in tragedy.

I wish I could leave millions of dollars owing in back taxes.

Other than that as others have said, whats done is done, the moving finger having written moves on.

There are lots of points in everones life that in hindsight a different decision made or path taken would obviously have made life different but you will never know!

Too late for regrets!

Regrets, i had a few - Lolcats - lol | cat memes | funny cats ...  

Pretty much covers it.

All of you listing your regrets:

First you are not dead yet, you can do something about most of them.

Second, you don't know when you will die so you don't know what your regrets might be by then.

Third, regrets on the deathbed are pointless - nothing can be done by then. Make your peace with your choices today!

 

Lucca has the right idea. No regrets. 

I agree with those regrets you can fix, I was simply trying to get people to think about what they would have done differently even if they no longer regret them.

Sophie, you're one of the lucky ones who have no regrets at all!  i'm sure you're not bragging.

They were only wishes of the dying, you are not dying yet. When one is at his/her deathbed, one will probably think of many things that he/she had not done!  Bonnie Ware is only sharing to us her true to life experience with the dying.

Who knows, you or me might have a wish list too when we have the time to talk to someone before we die.

I notice senior citizens can't always agree with issues, they continuously acquire the habit of whinging, complaining, contradicting without seriously thinking.

 

 

 

Well Yme,  ...is that short for “Why me?”. In my book anyone who asks  that question comes across as a very negative person. I notice you did not answer Incognito’s question but instead directed your negativity towards me. Pourquoi? Nothing better to do?

It’s not “lucky” at all that I do not harbour regrets..it’s all to do with upbringing..the values, beliefs and attitudes of parents who excelled at teaching by example. If you see it as “bragging”..then that is your problem.. but.. I hardly see how it is any of your business!

As for what I might need or do when my time comes to depart this wonderful world for the next glorious one, I have left instructions! Woe betide anyone who comes to give me my last rites or listen and sympathise with what I might have missed out during my earthly life.. I shall use my last breath to rise up and strangle them!!

Non, non, I have no “real regrets” as I said in my post above and all I want is for my loved ones to be happy knowing that I went happily. Now go and take your rather dubious advice to someone else, perhaps Shetso?

If you step over to my thread…”Music…and more” you can listen to the music I have chosen for when I glide into the crematory furnace!

Have a good night!

Yme, yes things become a lot clearer near death, I think a lot of people actually have regrets and do not forgive themselves for their mistakes and that can turn into bitterness in old age sadly.

Geez reckon I've had regrets, made heaps of mistakes and wrong choices...

And yep from time to time do reflect on them - can't help myself,  they just sort of pop into my mind triggered by a song, a place, a conversation, a smell, a view or whatever.

 However these days my regrets are sort of tinged with nostalgia and think I'm much better at accepting that there's no rewinding the clock and that we move forward whether we want to or not.   Think I've learnt from some mistakes, not all though and probably need more learning on that score.

Have often had the thought 'if only I knew 50 years ago what I know now' which has a certain appeal on some level.

 But I guess this is 'A Life' a work in progress type of thing, where we are sort of shaped by what we experience.

But sure I've had regrets - and to be honest just like every other human being  I expect.

PS.  Why am I not surprised that the ol' Sophie and Lucca have never had a regret!  Ya gotta laugh!

HAHAHA- me laughing too at your asinine comment. Nope, so far my life has been great, no regrets, just good memories, enjoying life and will continue to do so with no regrets. People who spend their lives regretting are losers.I am not surprised you have so many regrets, you’re saturated by negativity and I am sure your ghosts must talk to you night and day. HAHAHAHAHA

Ghosts Paranormal GIF - Ghosts Paranormal Ghost GIFs

 

Always and forever on the attack Shetso…how sad. Have you got that little doggie yet to hug and cuddle?

Must get very noisy in your head space with all those regretful voices running rife. Yes, I'm laughing too at a person in the Autumn/Winter of her life who is still unable to control herself.

 

Thanks for your honestly Shetso1. Nostalgia is an interesting thing, can be good but can get in the way of moving forward too, I agree learning from your mistakes is what we all need to teach our children and then move on.

Lucca and Sophie I did not see in Shetso1's comments anything that resembles and attack on you both.

I am starting to regret posting this thread (not really).

 

Then you should clean your glasses Incognito and look at the the PS on her post, the last line. Totally uncalled for.

Trouble with you is you're a negative nellie and want people to dig deep for gripes that match your own. If you feel you have missed out on anything, get off your lazy bum, and do something about it and stop whining and whinging like your new pals NY19 and Shetso. You make great bedfellows LOL

 

But Shetso1 did not call you names like you are doing to us and many others. I am not a negative person at all you are assuming again, I am a very optimistic, thoughtful and kind person, and I am far from lazy, I am fully active with mind and body, and I am certainly not getting into bed with anyone thank you. I have no pals here, NY19 and Shetso1 don't always agree with me, we have healthy disagreements sometimes too.

 

 

Well no Lucca you're incorrect...

Actually I sort of see myself as a fairly realistic person - rather than 'saturated in negativity' as you say,  with an overarching feeling of being reasonably comfortable in my own skin with good days and bad days like all of us I guess...

Mostly just try to get through and be the best I can be - but not perfect and go off course occasionally.

However am very grateful for what I have, given there are many worse off, and from time to time the 'there but for the grace of God go I' thought springs to mind..

But in the main generally feel OK with life and grateful.

 

 

 

No, Shetso, you are not OK with life…if a person is OK with life they are not concerned about the lives of total strangers on a public forum. People who are OK with their life do not make snide comments and continue doing so year after year after year. That tells me you are not OK with life.

You may be feeling OK with some of the material things in life and grateful for what you have materially, however, you are painfully lacking emotionally ..so as a bystander, I would say, you are not  “happy in your skin.”

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