On a boat

Gary and John are quietly sitting in a boat fishing drinking beer when suddenly

John says, “I think I’m going to divorce the wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”

Earl ponders for a moment, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, “Better think it over… women like that are hard to find.”


The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Stuff me, talk about Dyson with death.


A man calls 000 and says “I think my wife is dead”

The operator says how do you know?

He says “The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!


I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid…….then I was petrified.