Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and … OH, MY GOD!”
Silence followed …
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
Immediately one Irish passenger yelled:
“For feck’s sake, you should see the back of mine!!!”
Dry English humour
In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
“The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.
“Look at me. I’m me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?”
The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied, “How very sporting of your mother!”