Things you’ll know if you hate summer

Luke Rix-Standing

3 years ago

Just like the Queen, David Attenborough or puppies, you’re supposed to love summer. But it’s our civic duty to question, and if you’re willing to get your grump on, there are plenty of things to despise about all this supposed fun in the sun.

Everyone is tired and grumpy

Let’s just cut to the chase here, I don’t think anyone enjoys the heat as much as they say they do. On a hot day we get up, pay lip service to how lovely everything is, and then struggle lethargically from chore to chore dreaming quietly of a nice, cold shower.

Those with work to do will valiantly under-achieve, while those without will sprawl listlessly on their sofas trying not to sweat onto the cushions. At the end of the day, we’ll tacitly concede that it was, in fact, a little too toasty.

We like the idea of summer more than the reality.

It makes everything horribly sticky

When you’re lying on a sun lounger reading Bridget Jones beside a sea that ends in ‘ean’, we’ll accept that heat has its uses. When you’re arriving at work packing enough back sweat to drown a chinchilla, we will not.

The inevitable sunburn will always catch you out

Slapping on factor 50 is something you do on holiday, not before starting your commute (even though we know we should), but you can damage your skin even when there’s no sun.

People shame you for being indoors

“But it’s so nice outside, and the weather is so lovely, and you can’t waste the sunshine.” Sunny skies come with copious peer pressure, and if you haven’t spent your Saturday hurtling between barbecues and garden parties there will be serious questions as to why.

If I enjoyed an indoor activity in April, odds-on I still do in July.

In fact, people resent you across the board

Sun worshippers will receive your summertime gloom like a lump of coal on Christmas morning, and even the slightest snark sees you labelled a misery-guts.

We’re not sure why people get so defensive. Maybe deep down they know we’re right.

Heat makes people aggressive

When combined with words like ‘headed’, ‘blooded’ and ‘tempered’, hot quite literally means a cross between angry and stupid, and there’s plenty of evidence that excess heat makes people both of these things.

There’s a small library of academic literature confirming this, testing everything from violent crime to honking at traffic lights. When the going gets hot, people lose their cool.

Instagram becomes insufferable

We get it, you’re beach body ready. And there’s no way that’s #nofilter.

Indoor spaces can become strangely cold

The cold aisle at the supermarket is one of summer’s few great pleasures, but otherwise over-active aircon units can be a bane on an already intemperate season. Scorching streets and icy offices don’t create a balmy middle ground, and some public buildings hoick you out of the frying pan and into the freezer.

Men’s fashion, in particular, is not built for the warm

Male style revolves around the jacket – the blazer, bomber, or overcoat – and most blokes aren’t brave enough to don summertime staples like floaty dresses or crop tops.

You’re either a suffering suit-wearer (seriously, there should be laws against this), or it’s three months of T-shirts and shorts.

There are bugs everywhere

With warnings of ‘vampire spiders’, ‘tiger mosquitoes’, and ‘Asian hornets’ currently sweeping the press, midges may be the least of your problems.

Also, the milk goes off after five seconds on the side.

Sleeping becomes a thing of the past

Everyone knows the torment of lying restlessly awake on a sticky summer’s night. You toss and turn for a while, drift in and out of sleep, wake up in a puddle of your own sweat and eventually fall asleep again.

It’s quite literally rinse and repeat.

Basically, it’s really hot

Humans don’t like being really hot. That’s science.

Are you a lover or hater of summer? What’s your favourite thing about summer?

– With PA

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