Each year The Washington Post holds a neologism contest, where contestants are asked to make up new meanings for common words. The results are in – and they’re hilarious.
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
12. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
13. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
14. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand), the belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
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