If you buy stuff on-line, check out the seller carefully.
A friend has just spent $295 on a penis enlarger.
The bastards sent him a magnifying glass.
The only instructions were “Do not use in direct sunlight.”
Australia Computer Terminology – Getting ready for Broadband in the bush
LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather’s cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A pub snack.
MICROCHIP: What’s left in the bag after you’ve eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks – from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won’t go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won’t go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren’t strong enough.
