Friday Funnies: Cheating death

Font Size:

There was a man in America who drove a train for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a person died. He went to court over the incident, was found guilty and sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air – but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine. The failed execution was considered an act of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learnt his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same way as the first, resulting in a death sentence. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was once again unharmed.

This meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. He then crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal – three bananas.

“You know what? No.” said the executioner. “I’ve had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I’m not giving you a thing to eat. We’re strapping you in and doing this now.”

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped into the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, “Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I’m just a bad conductor.”

•••

“What does gay mean?” a young boy asked his father.

“It means happy,” answered the father.

The boy replied, “Are you gay, dad?”

The father answers, “No, son, I have a wife.”

•••

A man walks into the cinema with a dog. They start watching the movie (a comedy) and laugh all the way through it. When the lights go up, a woman who is sitting in the row behind, taps the man on the shoulder and says: “I was really surprised to hear your dog laugh all through the film.”

“So was I,” replied the man. “He hated the book!”

•••

A couple is walking through St Petersburg on Christmas Eve when they feel a slight precipitation.

“I think it’s raining,” says the man.

“I think it’s snowing,” says the woman.

“How about we ask this Communist officer here? He’s always right!” says the man. “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?”

“Definitely raining,” Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Join YourLifeChoices today
and get this free eBook!

Join
By joining YourLifeChoices you consent that you have read and agree to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

RELATED LINKS

Friday Funnies: Husband and wife hearing test

An elderly couple test the limits of their hearing in this week's best jokes.

Friday Funnies: The train delay

A child discovers the real reason behind grey hairs in this week's best jokes.

Friday Funnies: The exact change

A Polish driving test and a man with a talking emu feature in this week's best jokes.

Written by Ben

0 Comments

Total Comments: 0

    FACEBOOK COMMENTS



    SPONSORED LINKS

    continue reading

    Fitness

    Exercise proven to aid cancer patients

    At Sydney's iconic Bondi Icebergs pool, on a crisp spring morning, Siobhan O'Toole and Donna Moclair look like seasoned swimmers...

    Health

    How to … safely remove embarrassing stains

    Tips and tricks on removing red wine or pasta sauce stains from clothing are readily exchanged between family and friends,...

    Podcast

    Podcast: Why you need Five Good Friends in your life

    Simon Lockyer from Five Good Friends joins John Deeks to discuss how Five Good Friends has revolutionised home care, how...

    Living in retirement

    I wrote my autobiography. You can too – and you should

    Peter Harris is 73 and has finished a project that has absorbed and excited him for more than two decades....

    Lifestyle

    Dog behaviours and what they mean

    Dogs will be dogs. They eat, lick, fetch and give unlimited love. They'll also chew, bite, dig and bark, and...

    Community

    A prostate catch 22

    Columnist Peter Leith takes the time to talk, lobby and observe. In this addition to his Aspects of Ageing true...

    Destinations

    Max Williams experiences the magic of Lake Mungo

    I gaze in wonder at the small bone fragments I am holding. Most likely they are part of a Murray...

    Travel News

    WA opens borders – but not to everyone

    After hard lockdowns, travellers from New South Wales and Victoria have been granted quarantine free access to Western Australia. As...

    LOADING MORE ARTICLE...