14th Dec 2017
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Friday Funnies: Cheating death
Author: Ben Hocking
Friday Funnies: Cheating death

There was a man in America who drove a train for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a person died. He went to court over the incident, was found guilty and sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air – but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine. The failed execution was considered an act of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learnt his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same way as the first, resulting in a death sentence. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was once again unharmed.

This meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. He then crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal – three bananas.

"You know what? No." said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat. We're strapping you in and doing this now."

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped into the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room – and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

•••

“What does gay mean?” a young boy asked his father.

"It means happy," answered the father.

The boy replied, "Are you gay, dad?"

The father answers, "No, son, I have a wife."

•••

A man walks into the cinema with a dog. They start watching the movie (a comedy) and laugh all the way through it. When the lights go up, a woman who is sitting in the row behind, taps the man on the shoulder and says: "I was really surprised to hear your dog laugh all through the film.”

"So was I," replied the man. "He hated the book!"

•••

A couple is walking through St Petersburg on Christmas Eve when they feel a slight precipitation.

"I think it's raining," says the man.

"I think it's snowing," says the woman.

"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He's always right!" says the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"

"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.

The man turns to his wife with a smile. "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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