A polar bear walks into a bar

A polar bear cub comes home from school one day and asks his mother, “Mum, are you sure I’m a purebred polar bear? I’m not part grizzly bear or anything?”
She replies, “Of course you’re 100 per cent polar bear. I’m a polar bear, your dad’s a polar bear and you’re a polar bear.”
The next day after school, the bear cub asks his father, “Dad, am I a purebred polar bear? Are you sure I’m not part black bear or panda bear?”
His dad replies, “Son, my parents were polar bears, your mother’s parents were polar bears, you’re nothing but polar bear.”
The next day, he comes home and asks both of his parents together, “Are you sure I’m not mixed with some other kind of bear?”
His mum replies, “Yes! You’re a polar bear, we’re all polar bears. Why do you keep asking us if you’re a polar bear?”
“Because I’m f**king freezing!”

•••

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the polar bear?
“Do not consume if seal is broken.”

•••

A polar bear walked into a bar.
“A rum and … Coke please.” He asked the bartender.
“Certainly”, replied the bar man, “but why the big pause?”
The bear looked down, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”

•••

A polar bear walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer.
“$18 please” says the bartender.
The polar bear pays and takes a seat.
Bemused, the barman approaches him and says, “This is exciting – we don’t get many polar bears in here!”
The polar bear replies, “I’m not surprised with beers at $18 a pint.”

•••

What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist.

•••

How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. Then, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.

•••

Why don’t polar bears ever get married?
Because they all have cold feet.

•••

How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice! Hi, my name is Steve!

•••

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the server, “Hello, what kind of steak do you have on the menu?”
The server replies, “We don’t serve polar bears here.”
The polar bear replies, “Oh, thank God.”

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Written by Liv Gardiner

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