Damage done if you spill the beans

The chef of the upscale restaurant I manage collided with a waiter one day and spilled coffee all over our computer. The liquid poured into the processing unit, and resulted in some dramatic crackling and popping sounds. After sopping up the mess, we gathered around the terminal as the computer was turned back on.

“Please let it work,” pleaded the guilt-ridden waiter.

A waitress replied: “Should be faster than ever. That was a double espresso.”

•••

After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audiobook version of Frank McCourt’s Teacher Man.

“I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,” I complained. “He refers to characters I don’t know and introduces them a half hour later.”

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn’t until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained – I had set the iPod to shuffle.

•••

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.

Q. How does a computer get drunk?
A. It takes screenshots.

Q. Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
A. To get to the other slide.

Q. What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
A. Dead Siri-ous.

I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

Related articles:
Defining differences I
Defining differences II
Heard of the anti-joke?

Written by Janelle Ward

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