Friday Funnies gets a haircut

A man walks into a barber shop and tells the barber that he has never had a tight shave on his cheeks.
“No problem,” says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from the drawer. “Put this ball in your mouth and hold it between your gums and your cheek.”
The man complies and gets the finest shave ever.  He then asks, “But what if I swallowed the ball?”
The barber replies, “No problem, you would have returned it the next day, just like every other client!”

I went to the barber’s earlier and said I wanted a haircut like Tom Cruise.
He nodded and put a cushion on the chair.

A guy walks to a barber shop, opens the door and asks the barber, “How long is the wait?”
The barber looks at the line of people waiting and says, “Oh, about 90 minutes.”
The man leaves and never comes back.
The next day the man goes to the same barber asking, “How long is the wait today?”
Barber looks at those waiting and says, “Today is quite busy, seems like a two-and-a-half-hour wait.”
The guy leaves and doesn’t return that day.
The third day the man goes to the same barber and asks him the same question.
The barber looks and says, “Not that long, about an hour or so.”
The man turns around and starts running.
The barber tells his assistant to follow the man and see if he is going to a competing barber.
After a while the assistant returns.
The barber asks him, “Is he going to another competitor?”
The help answers, “No.”
The barber asks, “So, where the hell does he keep going to everyday?”
The help answers, “To your wife.”

My local barber got arrested for drugs.
I’ve been going to him for years. I never knew he was a barber.

Why did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut!

I went to the barber’s and asked for a number two all over.
I’ve washed my hair six times since and still can’t get the smell out.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.”
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.”
The politician was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

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