Gardening funnies: Fun with fruit, flowers and friars

Two friars are having trouble paying off the belfry, so they open a florist shop.

Everyone wants to buy flowers from the men of God so business is quickly booming.

The florist across town sees a huge drop in sales and asks the two friars to close their shop, but they refuse.

A month later the florist begs the friars to close because he’s having trouble feeding his family.

Again, they refuse, so the florist hires Hugh McTaggart.

Hugh is the roughest, toughest thug in town and is hired to ‘persuade’ the friars to close.

Hugh asks the friars to close their florist shop.

When they refuse, he threatens to beat the crap out of them and wreck their shop every day they remain open, so they close.

This proves once again that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

•••

Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, “Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5 I’d take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!”

“You’re on!” said the other old lady, holding up a $5 note.

As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

“What happened?” asked her waiting friend.

“Why, I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement.”

•••

A toddler was found chewing on a slug.

After the initial surge of disgust the parent said,

“Well . . . What does it taste like?”

“Worms,” was the reply.

•••

Sometimes what a man says, says more about the man.

Here is a quote from President George Bush in 1990:

“I do not like broccoli. And haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli …”

•••

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;

Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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