As a little boy was doing his math homework, he was saying to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a b**ch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a b**ch is nine,” and so on.
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mum.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
The teacher replied, “Right now we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**ch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was: two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”
One day, the first-grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “… and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!’”
The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”
One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy sh*t! A talking chicken!’”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr Sugarbrown’s daughter.”
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School and said, “Aren’t you Mr Sugarbrown’s daughter?” She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”
A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”
Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a piece of cake while her dad gets his hair cut.
The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re going to get hair on your Twinkie.”
She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m going to get boobs too.”