30th Mar 2017
FONT SIZE: A+ A-
The top three jokes about the Pope
Author: YourLifeChoices
cartoon pope

Religion provides a huge amount of material for jokes and the Pope, as head of the Catholic Church, is a popular subject. Read the best papal puns here and then share your own!

1981 and 2005 – two interesting years

Interesting year: 1981

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died.

Interesting year: 2005

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4.  The Pope died.

Lesson to be learned:

The next time Charles gets married, someone should warn the Pope.

•••

Artie was returning home from the pub, smelling like a distillery. He flopped on a bus seat next to a priest. His tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of whisky was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

He turned towards the priest and asked, “Father, what causes arthritis?”

“Well my son,” looking down his nose at the inebriated Artie. “It's the result of loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much whisky and contempt for your fellow man.”

“Well I'll be damned!” Artie muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, feeling a little guilty, said, “I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don't, Father. But I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

•••

A priest and a bus driver both died and went to heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where Pope St Peter greets them. He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep and go out the back door. There are about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little cottage on the knoll.

St Peter turns to the priest and says, “This will be yours for eternity. A perfect little cottage, right next to lovely pond, a lush little garden and a library full of books.”

The priest says, “Thank you so much. This I shall enjoy!” St Peter drops off the priest, goes back to the pearly gates and motions to the bus driver.

They hop in a stretch limo and go out the front door. There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains, lakes and rivers. There is a huge 200-room castle on one of the mountains and a wishing well that makes wishes come true. St Peter says, “This will be yours for eternity. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, and you can have everything you want.”

The bus driver looks and St Peter and says, “Well, now, don't think I'm not grateful, but why am I getting so much more than the priest?”

St Peter just laughs and says, “You brought more souls to heaven! When the priest preached, everyone fell asleep. When you drove your bus, people prayed!”

•••

Have you heard any other rollicking religious jokes?

RELATED ARTICLES





    COMMENTS

    To make a comment, please register or login
    Gra
    7th Apr 2017
    2:18pm
    Good thing there was nothing here having a go at Islam.
    bob
    7th Apr 2017
    2:58pm
    you are right there we would have a riot on our hands even though it is said to have tolerant followers
    Allenmack
    23rd Jun 2017
    9:21am
    The Pope dies, at the pearly gates St Peter says "Please stand over there and wait". The pope is a bit miffed. There's a huge crowd gathering to meet someone special. The Pope say to St Peter "who is coming that is so important?" St Peter says "It's a lawyer, the first one we've ever seen !"


    Join YOURLifeChoices, it’s free

    • Receive our daily enewsletter
    • Enter competitions
    • Comment on articles