Friday Funnies: Short jokes for the shortest month

February flies by too fast, just like these short but sharp jokes.

What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad?
Lettuce alone without dressing.

How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

The trick to avoid crying when cutting an onion, is to never form an emotional bond.

Welcome to the sexual innuendo club.
Thank you all for coming.

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

A husband asked his wife if he was the only one she’d ever been with.
She considered this and replied, “Yes. The rest were all sevens or eights.”

What starts with E, ends with E and only contains one letter?

Have you ever noticed that your nose runs and your feet smell?

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
“Oh sheet!”

Two men broke into a chemist and stole all the Viagra.
The police report read, “Be on alert for two hardened criminals.”

At the bank the other day, I asked the banker to check my balance.
She pushed me.

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.

They say that make-up sex is the best.
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

Did we forget any of your favourite short jokes? Share them in the comment section below.

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Written by Liv Gardiner


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