Friday Funnies: Age is a wonderful thing

Senior romance

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in an amorous mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: “Then you used to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the doona and got out of bed.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”


Down at the retirement centre

Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces: “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!”

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out: “An elephant?”

Bessie thinks a minute and says: “Close enough.”


Old friends

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said: “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what is your name.”

Her friend glared at her, and for a further three minutes, she just stared at her.

Finally she said: “How soon do you need to know?”


Senior driving

A senior citizen was driving down the motorway when his mobile phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him: “Ronnie, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on MI. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Ronnie, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”


Red lights

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car – neither of them barely able to see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The traffic light was red, but they drove through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and, again, the light was red. For a second time, they drove right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

Sure enough, at the next junction, the light was red and they drove on. So, she turned to the other woman and said: “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!”

Mildred turned to her and said: “Oh! Am I driving?”

Do you have any more jokes about ageing? Why not share them in the comments section below?

Also read: Aussie trucker and the emu

YourLifeChoices Writers
YourLifeChoices Writers
YourLifeChoices' team of writers specialise in content that helps Australian over-50s make better decisions about wealth, health, travel and life. It's all in the name. For 22 years, we've been helping older Australians live their best lives.
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