Five best dad jokes of all time

Rachel thinks these are the top five dad jokes of all time, which is a big call. Do you think she’s nailed it? Or have you got a better ‘dad joke’ in your repertoire?

No. 1
Q: What is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: Milk, because it’s pasteurised before you see it.

No. 2
You can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

No. 3
My wife told me she thought we’d have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic.
I told her “I think you mean fewer”.

No. 4
I went to the zoo the other day, but there weren’t any zoo animals, there was only a dog.
It was a shitzu.

No. 5
Last year at Christmas, we were buying a fake Christmas tree. The guy behind the counter says to my dad, “Are you going to put it up yourself?” and my dad replies, “Don’t be disgusting, I’m going to put it in the living room.”

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”

Checkout person: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” Dad: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

Kid: “Hey, I was thinking…” Dad: “I thought I smelled something burning.”

Have you got a favourite dad joke? Or would you rather it was never repeated again?

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YourLifeChoices Writers
YourLifeChoices Writers
YourLifeChoices' team of writers specialise in content that helps Australian over-50s make better decisions about wealth, health, travel and life. It's all in the name. For 22 years, we've been helping older Australians live their best lives.
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