In true Aussie tradition, it’s time to have a laugh at ourselves. Some may be a little too close to the bone, but we’re confident you can handle the heat.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what to you call someone who speaks one language?
How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup?
An Aussie said: “Take away your snow-capped mountains, culture and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The Kiwi answered: “Australia.”
Two politicians go out to lunch together. In the middle of lunch one jumps up and says: “Bugger. I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.”
The other politician replies: “No worries. We’re both here.”
What are the only two seasons a bogan can name?
Football and cricket.
When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record…
Confused, I replied, “Oh, is that still required?”
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets a farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says: “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the farm a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says: “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos bounding through the field. He asks: “And what are those?”
The Aussie, fed up with the bragging, asks with an incredulous look: “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
Why is there no Australian Spider-Man?
He didn’t survive the bite.
Also read: Friday Funnies: romance takes a wrong turn