Friday Funnies: The best anti-jokes ever told

Groucho mask

Have you heard of anti-jokes? We’re not sure why they’re named as such but we had a good laugh when we found these ones. What do you think? Funny or anti-funny?

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Why did the guy walk into a bank wearing a black ski mask?
Because his white one was in the laundry.

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A blind man walked into a bar.
It hurt.

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What’s green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colours.

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What do you get when you take your age and add five years to it?
Your age in five years.

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What do you call a man with one arm and no teeth?
Whatever his name is.

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I ran into an old friend the other day.
I was arrested for driving under the influence.

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A fly buzzes into a bar.
The bar tender promptly swats it with a fly swatter.

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What has fingernails and legs made of grass?
You. I was lying about the legs made of grass.

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Three out of five smokers die.
Apparently the other two are immortal.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.
And the very next day, I died because no-one can live without a heart.

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Four simple men are driving to Disneyland. They see a sign that says ‘Disneyland, turn left’.
They do, and have a fun time at what many people consider to be the most magical place on Earth.

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What is brown and sticky?
A stick.

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How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn on the heating.

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True or false: The white-tailed deer can jump higher than the average house.
True. The white-tailed deer has incredibly powerful hind legs and no house can jump.

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What did one pancake say to the other pancake?
Nothing, there is no such thing as talking pancakes.

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What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter what you call him. He isn’t coming.

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People are like drums.
If you hit them with a stick, they will make noise.

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What did one Japanese man say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak Japanese.

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I will never forget what my dear old grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.
He said: “Son, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

Also read: Fishing for whiskey

Written by YourLifeChoices Writers

YourLifeChoices' team of writers specialise in content that helps Australian over-50s make better decisions about wealth, health, travel and life. It's all in the name. For 22 years, we've been helping older Australians live their best lives.

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