True friendship – Aussie style

Friday means another bunch of jokes and today, Webmaster Drew shares jokes that show the true meaning of friendship in Australia.

True friendship – Aussie style

Are you tired of those ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. There are no cute little smiley faces on this card – just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1. When you are sad – I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile – I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared – I will take the piss out of you every chance I get until you’re NOT.

5. When you are worried – I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until YOU STOP WHINING!

6. When you are confused – I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall – I will laugh at you, you clumsy clot.

9. This is my oath. I pledge it to the end. ‘Why?’ you may ask, because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants – everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Oh to be six again

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday, which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched her turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. “Reta,” he said, “What would you like for your birthday?”

His wife continued to look at herself and said, “I’d like to be six again.”

George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta’s stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Nevertheless, George took her to McDonald’s and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favourite candy.

As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, “Well dear, what was it like to be six again?”

Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, “I meant my dress size!”

The real definition of words when used by women

1. Fine – I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.

2. That’s okay – One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you’ll pay for your mistake.

3. Nothing – The calm before the storm. This means ‘something’ and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with ‘nothing’ usually end with ‘Fine’ (See #1).

4. Five minutes – If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don’t be upset about this. It’s the same definition for you when it’s your turn to do some chores around the house.)

5. Thanks – A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, “You’re welcome,” and let it go.

6. Loud sigh – Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about ‘nothing’ (See #3).

7. Go ahead – This is a dare, not permission. (Don’t do it!)

8. Don’t worry about it, I got it – The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, see #3.)

Written by YourLifeChoices Writers

YourLifeChoices' team of writers specialise in content that helps Australian over-50s make better decisions about wealth, health, travel and life. It's all in the name. For 22 years, we've been helping older Australians live their best lives.

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