Wise words for the new year

A new year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.


I want to get so drunk that the mosquitoes can’t fly straight.


I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.


You can preserve many things in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Read: Cracking Christmas jokes

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.


May all your troubles last as long as your new year’s resolutions.


What happened to the man who thought about the evils of drinking in the new year? He gave up thinking.


It’s 9.30 on New Year’s Eve and it looks like I’ve got two-and a-half hours to run 10 kilometres, meditate daily and read 30 books.

Read: Did you hear?

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!


My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half full with either rum, vodka or whiskey.


Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. Today is going to be a great day!


New Year’s Day is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.


I return to work tomorrow with a childlike belief that next year will be the year people will think at least twice before hitting ‘Reply all’ and learn to tell when they’re on mute.

Written by YourLifeChoices Writers

YourLifeChoices' team of writers specialise in content that helps Australian over-50s make better decisions about wealth, health, travel and life. It's all in the name. For 22 years, we've been helping older Australians live their best lives.

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