Friday Funnies: The postman

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My postman friend gets really angry when I tell everyone what he does for a living.
I call him a mail escort.


Q: Why would Prometheus make a good postman?
A: Because it involved a lot of de-livering!


I scared my postman today when I showed up to the door completely naked.
I don’t know what scared him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived.


A husband and wife were doing a crossword puzzle.
The husband read, “Clue; overworked postman.”
The wife asked, “How many letters?”
“Thousands and thousands.”


Sally announces to her mother that she is marrying the postman!
“What?” her mother exclaims, “but he could be your father!”
“Mum, age is just a number!” Sally retorts.
“No, dear, that’s not what I meant.”


The postman told me he was going on holiday. I asked him if he was going to Parcelona or Istampul. He told he it was just a stag do with some friends. “Arh, an all mail party!” I exclaimed.


A postman was delivering a package when an eight-year-old opened the door with a cigar hanging out of his mouth and a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Shocked, the postman asked, “Are your parents home?”
The eight-year-old replied, “Does it look like they’re home?”


Never upset your postman.
He knows where you live.


A postman is working his final day before retirement. He has been working in the neighbourhood for 25 years and the residents all know him well. On his final delivery round they give him cards and small gifts.

At one house, the door opens and the lady of the house invites him inside. She takes his hand and leads him upstairs to the bedroom. She makes love to him and then makes him breakfast. On him way out she kisses him on the cheek and slips him a $5 note.

The postman says: “Thanks for the breakfast and the amazing sex, but what is the $5 for?”

She smiles: “Well, when I found out you were retiring, I asked by husband what we should do for you. He said: ‘Screw that guy, give him a $5 note. The breakfast was my idea’.”

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