A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: “Mr Maynard was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”
The five surgeons
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.”
The third surgeon, says, “No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon, chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he said: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine…Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable!”
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. She even called up Aveen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbour?”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”