Friday Funnies: Smile or groan – your choice

These wry one-liners will have you chuckling or rolling your eyes, it all depends how silly you’re feeling today. Helen, a friend of regular contributor Peter Leith, has shared some of her favourite jokes with us all to brighten up our Friday.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

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I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

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She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

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A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

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The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

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No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

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A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

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When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

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Whiteboards are remarkable.

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I haven’t spoken to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

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You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come home, then all you’ve lost is a pigeon.

Did we miss any wry one-liners? Share your favourite with other readers in the comment section below.

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Written by Helen Helen

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