Friday Funnies: The optimistic engineer

Friday funnies shares a few learning moments from Laugh Factory for students, teachers, graduates and parents alike.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources officer asks a young engineering graduate: “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies: “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires: “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ holiday, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental and a company car, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says: “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies: “Yeah, but you started it!”

•••

Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Student: “Eggs!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Student: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the cow give you?”
Student: “Homework!”

•••

A child asked his father: “How were people born?”

His father replied: “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother and asked her the same question.
She told him: “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said: “You lied to me!”
His father replied: “No, your mum was talking about her side of the family.”

•••

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his head.

•••

Teacher: “If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two cats, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully … If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where on earth are you getting seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

•••

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples.

“Only take one. God is watching.”

Further down the line is a pile of cookies.

A little boy makes his own note: “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

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Written by Liv Gardiner

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