The Qantas gripe sheet

Apparently, after every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

Pilots: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 

Pilots: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 

Pilots: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilots: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilots: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

Pilots: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed. 

Pilots: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That’s what they’re for. 

Pilots: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you’re right.

More Exchanges between Qantas pilots and their engineers

Pilots: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 

Pilots: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 

Pilots: Target radar hums
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.