It’s the start of racing season, so Friday Funnies is having a chuckle with this horsey humour.
The owner of a racehorse is angry because his expensive horse was yet to win a race. He grabs his horse by the harness and says, “Listen to me, you’d better win this race, or I’ll have you working the farm all day tomorrow.”
The horses line up in the gates and the starting gun sounds. All of the horses take off for the finish line, except the owner’s horse who is fast asleep at the gate.
“What on earth do you think you’re doing?” demanded the owner.
“I’m trying to get some rest,” says the horse. “I’ve got a whole day of work on the farm tomorrow.”
1 1 was a racehorse,
2 2 was 1 2,
1 1 1 1 race,
2 2 1 1 2
What do you call a racehorse that’s too old to race?
A donkey is having a drink in a pub when he spots a horse at the bar. He goes over for a chat and asks, “What do you do for a living?”
The horse replies, “I’m a racehorse.”
“Oh right, have you won any races then?” asks the donkey.
“Well,” says the horse, “On the flat I’ve won the Derby, the Melbourne Cup and the 2000 Guineas, and over the jumps I’ve won the Grand National and the Cheltenham Gold Cup.”
The donkey is impressed, and the two of them continue to drink together. The pair eventually arrange to have dinner later in the week.
Over the week, the donkey begins to feel inferior compared to the racehorse. He goes out and buys himself a framed photo of a zebra, which he hangs above his mantle.
When the horse arrives, he exclaims, “Who’s the zebra?”
The donkey replies, “That’s not a zebra mate, that’s be when I played for Collingwood.”
A woman and a racehorse walk into the bar. The two order a plate of nachos and enjoy a few beers before the end of the night. When the time comes to leave, the woman walks up to the bar and drops a few crumpled notes and cents on the counter.
“That should cover it,” she says, and leaves the bar.
The bartender counts the money and is surprised to find that it is the exact amount needed to cover the bill.
A few moments later the woman walks back into the bar. “Sorry,” she says. “The service was great, and I forgot to tip.” Once again, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out exactly 15 per cent of the total bill.
“Excuse me,” asks the bartender. “Do you mind if I ask you about the exact change and the horse?”
“Arh, you see, a long time ago I was an archaeologist. While in Arabia, I discovered a magical lamp with a genie inside who granted me three wishes. My first wish, of course, was for eternal youth and fitness. My second wish was for unlimited wealth. Whenever I go to buy something, I simply have to reach into my pocket, and I pull out the exact amount of cash I need. My third and final wish, well, I asked for a tall, youthful, long-legged and well-endowed stud to keep me company and stick by my side. I should have specified.”
Did we forget any funny racing jokes? Do you enjoy watching the racing during the spring season?
If you enjoy our content, don’t keep it to yourself. Share our free eNews with your friends and encourage them to sign up.