Who doesn’t love a naughty joke?

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Who doesn’t love a naughty joke? Today’s Friday Funnies are slightly salacious and, though they may border on the bawdy, they’re so big on fun that you’re sure to share them with your friends.

Flattery

A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment, grinning from ear to ear.

Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?”

The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a 55-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.”

“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your 55-year-old ass?”

She said, “Your name never came up in the conversation.”

•••

The blind man

Mother Superior tells two new nuns that they must paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door.

They ask, “Who is it?”

“Blind man!” a man says.

The nuns look at each other and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see. What could it hurt?” So they let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice boobs. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

•••

Dam Fish

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!”

A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam fish’?”

The boy responds, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam.”

The pastor buys a couple of fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. Surprised, the wife responds, “I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way.”

He explains to her why they are called dam fish. Later, at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. His son responds, “That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f**king potatoes!”

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3 Comments

Total Comments: 3
  1. 0
    0

    yes I did get a giggle

  2. 0
    0

    “If I died, would you remarry” ? asked the wife. “Probably would”, came the reply. “And would you let her be your golfing partner” ? “Yes, sure”. “But surely you wouldn’t give her my clubs would you” ? “Nah……she’s left handed”.

  3. 0
    0

    If this doesn’t make you laugh, you are truly humour impaired!

    The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body…The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

    The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet one inch and walked out with a bonus of $73,000.

    The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

    The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, ‘From the tip of my penis to my testicles.’

    It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.

    But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

    The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ’em,’ which he did…The Medical Officer then placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief’s penis and began to work back. “Dear Lord!”, he suddenly exclaimed, ”Where are your testicles?”

    The old Chief calmly replied, “Vietnam ”.


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