Friday Funnies: riotous retirees

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You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

•••

Two senior citizens are pushing their carts around the supermarket, looking left and right, when they collide head-on.

The first guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The second old guy says, “That’s okay, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The first old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”

“Well, she is 27-years-old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”

“She can wait. Let’s look for yours.”

•••

I was out walking with my four-year-old granddaughter.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

“Why?” my granddaughter asked.

“Because it’s been on the ground. You don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs,” I replied.

At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?

“You are so smart.”

I was thinking quickly, “All grandmas know this stuff. It’s on the grandma test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a grandma.”

We walked along in silence for two or three minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

“Oh…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test, you have to be the grandpa.”

“Exactly,” I replied.

•••

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.

She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells to the other sisters,

“Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year-old yells back,

“I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”

She starts up the stairs and pauses. “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says,

“I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.”

She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

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Written by Leon Della Bosca

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