Is she drinking too much?

John is happy in his new relationship, until his partner has a drink that is. Should he hang around and deal with the issue or cut his losses and run? Jo Lamble has some sage advice.

Q. John
After losing my wife I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life but after a chance encounter, I met a woman who I really liked. We get on incredibly well most of the time but when she has a drink, even just one glass of wine, she gets snarky and can be quite cutting with her comments. I’ve tried to suggest that we don’t have wine with dinner or that we do activities that don’t involve drinking, but she says she likes a glass of wine now and again to relax.

She’s started to suggest we move in together but I can’t live with someone who has this side to them. When she’s not drinking she really is someone I could see me spending the rest of my life with. What should I do? Cut my losses and run or hang on in there? 

A. I’m wondering whether this woman has had the same feedback in the past. I can’t imagine that her changed behaviour while drinking only happens with you. Perhaps it has happened in the past, but no one has told her. I’d advise you to be really honest with her. Tell her how much you love spending time with her and how you have imagined a future together.

Remind her that a strong relationship is one where you bring out the best in each other and so you would hope that she would tell you if there were something you were doing that was jeopardising your relationship with her. Now it’s time for some positively delivered honesty. Gently tell her that her cutting comments after a glass of wine makes you question the relationship. In other words, you have tried the subtle approach.

If she doesn’t take the feedback well, you will have to seriously consider whether it would be better to end things before it goes any further. 

Related articles:
Five ways to keep the love alive
Spotting relationship warning signs

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