True love or simply lonely

Relationship expert Jo Lamble answers many prickly questions in her book, Answers to Everyday Questions about Relationships. This week she has advice on how Marg can work out if her friend is really in love or just lonely.

Q. Marg
My friend has been widowed for a couple of years and is looking to get remarried to an older man for whom she provides care. I’m not sure if this is just a grab for companionship or if it is really love. I feel she is making a huge mistake and in the long run will pay the price. How can I help her to see the potential error of her ways?

A. What a difficult position in which you find yourself. You are obviously worried about your friend, but I’m sure you realise that if you speak up, you may be risking your friendship. Many long-term friendships have ended when one person has expressed doubts about their friend’s partner. All you can do is tell your friend how much you love her and make it clear that you want her to be happy. Let her know that you will support whatever decision she makes, but that you are concerned that she may be rushing into things. Encourage her to take her time before making a commitment. If she goes ahead with the marriage, she needs to know that you’ll be there whether it works out or not. Your unconditional support may be what she needs to make an informed decision.

Have you been in a similar situation? Should Marg simply let her friend make her own decision?



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