Peter enjoys watching the occasional sexy movie but he is frustrated that his wife refuses to join him. He asks psychologist Dr Emmanuella Murray how he should tackle the issue.
I enjoy watching a few sexy movies on SBS – nothing over the top – and I’ve tried to encourage my wife to watch. She refuses. I don’t understand why she has become so prudish. She never used to be. Am I missing something here?
A. I can hear that it frustrates you that your wife doesn’t share your desire for sexy movies. Calling her prudish isn’t going to help you, though. If anything, it’s going to make you resent her lack of enthusiasm even more.
You need to talk to your wife about how you are feeling and ask her how she feels. She may feel awkward, uncomfortable or even inadequate when compared to the women in the sexy movies.
Ask your wife why she doesn’t like watching sexy movies and listen to what she says. Then you can talk about how you feel and decide what’s best for you both.
Your wife may have liked watching sexy movies in the past, but her likes and preferences have likely changed. She may suggest something different or she may realise how much you like them and is comfortable enough to join in, but she may not. If she doesn’t, that’s okay. It’s all about how you approach the issue.
Try to avoid charging the point and instead approach her with empathy. That way, you may find out something you didn’t know about your wife’s likes and preferences, and maybe you will find something sexy you both like.
So, the message is to talk to your wife, see what she likes and make some compromises.
Dr Emmanuella Murray is a clinical psychologist who has been practising for more than 10 years. She works with children, adolescents, adults and couples, and presents to professionals and community groups. Go to her website for more information.
If you have a question for Dr Emmanuella Murray, please send it to firstname.lastname@example.org