Retirement blogger Don Ezra has a lightbulb moment about retirement and ‘discretionary hours’, courtesy of an astronaut and a thoughtful reader.
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I came across a couple of things recently with which my mind connected. One was Cassie Holmes telling us, in a talk, that for most of us the ideal number of discretionary hours in a day is in the two to five range. Less than that and we feel time poor, leading to too much stress. More than that and we feel we have too little purpose.
It occurred to me that this might be a particular problem for recent retirees, for whom the regularity of their days has been hugely disrupted, leading potentially to more than five hours of newly discretionary time a day. This ‘too little purpose’ feeling can be greatly exacerbated if, in fact, the regular work that’s now in the past was enjoyable.
And, to go further, it may be that that work, along with the social contacts and the feeling of importance that go with it, formed an important part of the retiree’s identity. ‘Too little purpose’ could now be a fundamental gap in the retiree’s life.
It’s not only retirees, of course. These days it’s tough to avoid being told that your life needs a sense of purpose – in other words, some overriding purpose that dominates your thoughts and actions and governs your behaviour.
Novelist Robert Byrne says: “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” In Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?, he says: “Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction and events without reason. Without a purpose life is trivial, petty and pointless.” Wow, powerful stuff!
Much of the psychological side of retirement advocates finding a purpose for this potentially long phase of life. Google ‘find a purpose in retirement’ and you’ll come across “five paths to finding your purpose and meaning in retirement life” and “prepare for life after retirement: six ways to find meaning and purpose for this stage of life”.
And, of course, you’ll find many invocations that deal with the negative side. Rick Warren goes further: “The greatest tragedy is not death, but life without purpose.”
I’m not trying to take issue with Rick Warren, whose book is not only a bestseller but also extremely highly rated. What I’m thinking, though, is that it isn’t necessary to have a life with Purpose, with a big P. It may be enough to have a life filled with many purposes, with a little p.
That distinction is the second connection I mentioned at the start of this piece, and it suddenly became clear to me when reader Cindy Deere made a comment on a recent blog post: “I wanted to comment on the point about purpose. I think all of us actually have one, we may just not recognise it clearly, and it could even be negative or wasteful. I do think it’s there though. What I’m finding helpful is the ‘little p’ purposes that I have in my life. It could be for today or even for the next hour, or it could be related to one aspect of life or even just a slice of that aspect.”
There it is – that’s the first time ‘little p purpose’ came to my attention.
I interpret Cindy’s ‘little p purpose’ as being, not an overarching sense of ‘my life’s Purpose’ that gives fundamental meaning to one’s life, but the many small ways in which we contribute to the satisfaction of our lives and the benefit of society.
For retirees, this might be related to volunteering or enjoying family (grandchildren!) or helping the next generation of family or pursuing hobbies or travel or spirituality or self-improvement. The list is endless. None of these might constitute an overwhelming sense of life’s Purpose, but they can be endlessly satisfying.
And I suspect that, for most of us, we don’t have an overwhelming Purpose, but do indeed have many little-p purposes – and those little-p purposes can evolve and change over time.
What are they, for you? If you haven’t identified them, there’s a reflection I do very happily each night that might help you too. I can’t remember where I read about it (it’s clearly not my own original idea). It’s to acknowledge, and be thankful for, three things that went well for you, or that you feel grateful for, that day. If there are things that crop up frequently, they may lead you to recognise things that you’re grateful for in life, that reflect the way your circumstances have evolved or the luck you’ve experienced or whatever. But these may be the sources of the little-p purposes that give joy to your life.
I recently heard an interview with Chris Hadfield, a retired Canadian astronaut (Commander of the International Space Station), engineer, fighter pilot – and musician. (You may recall him playing his guitar on the International Space Station!) Now he’s also an author. (I loved his thriller, The Apollo Murders.) As you can guess, he was pretty motivated, growing up, with a Purpose.
He said: “I wanted to be an astronaut since I was a little kid. I mean, I made a conscious decision to turn myself into an astronaut when I was nine years old. I mean, that was ludicrous. But I watched those people going to the moon, and I thought: That is the coolest thing ever, I want to do that. How do I turn my little nine-year-old incompetent scrawny self into someone who can fly a spaceship?
“So that was a pretty big audacious hairy goal that allowed me then to choose a lot of the other things I chose to do. What am I going to study in school? What should I choose as a profession? I loved everything I did, but it was with the idea that these choices are continuing to move the big uncontrollable mix of things in the direction of maybe someday flying in space.”
What does someone like that do after he achieves his singular Purpose, which in his case was actually a goal (not necessarily the same as a Purpose)? What replaces it?
He continues: “A few years before I retired from being an astronaut, my wife and I were looking to: what are you going to do after you fly in space? And we started making up a list of: what is it about life that we love? What makes you feel worthy? What makes you feel proud? At the end of the day, when you look back, what gives you sort of a glow of satisfaction? And it’s a fun list to make up.
“What surprised me was, nowhere on the list did it say, flying in space. That wasn’t one of the things – it was a cool sort of reward; but it was all of the process – it was teaching, and being taught, learning new skills, gaining new capabilities, seeing new things as a result of those changes, helping other people, working with a group of people that challenge you. And all of this other stuff – that’s what the list was.
“And then what we did was, ‘Okay, this is actually what we value in life, and what we love’. So then how can we choose things where you can make a living, and make a life, doing the things that are on the list that you love? I think no matter where you are in life – because life always goes in stages and steps, some of them planned, most of them uncontrollable – it’s really worth having lists like that that you’re constantly tinkering with, and being brutally honest with yourself about them, so that you’re optimising your chances to enjoy your own life.”
He was asked: how do you define success in your life?
“Success is extremely personal, and I lower the bar of success as low as I possibly can. I would rather feel successful 20 times a day than once a year. And nobody else can really tell if I’m successful, and they don’t often really care. It’s up to me, whether I’m feeling successful or not.
“And so I can look at it this way. I have a bed to sleep in, and blankets. And an alarm goes off and I wake up. And great, I slept right until my alarm. And then I go to the bathroom, and the toilet works. And I go to the shower, and there’s hot water, and there’s soap, and there’s shampoo. I like the smell of the shampoo. And I have a reasonably sharp blade in my razor. And I brush my teeth, and I like the minty flavor of the toothpaste that I’m using. And when I come downstairs, in the fridge there’s the type of milk that I like, and there’s the type of cereal that I like, and then afterwards I like a certain type of tea. And it’s 7.30 in the morning and I am victorious. I have had a successful day already, at 7.30 in the morning. And it’s totally up to me, but to be thankful for what’s actually going on around you, and to celebrate the little parts of those victories. Because by my own definition I’m already a winner by 7.30 in the morning. Whereas I could have looked at it all completely in a different way.
“And so I try to lower the bar of victory as low as I possibly can, and notice when I make it over the bar, and congratulate myself. Because when I first got to space, on my very first flight, I had no idea that I could do all those things I trained for. I’d never been in weightlessness, you know, when the pressure’s really hitting. I tried to simulate, I tried to get myself ready, and I practised, I knew what I was going to do, and I had it pretty clear in my head. But when I got the first thing done, and the engine shut off, and I got the little handwritten checklist of stuff, 20 things I needed to do first, and I got through them all, I’m like, ‘All right, I made it through the first 10 things, and things are going fine.’ I got my helmet off. OK, let’s do the next thing! I could almost feel a wave of success, supporting me, like when you catch a wave when you’re bodysurfing. And it’s because I had visualised what I was going to do, and I practised it, that I gained the skills, but also because I noticed that we’re only 10 minutes into this flight but already I’ve got my act together, and things are happening. And so there’s going to be stuff going wrong up ahead, but I’m gaining momentum.
“And so far I am victorious, and I’m going to celebrate that, and try to keep this way going for as long as I possibly can. And to me that is very much the measure of success and of victory in life, and I try to conduct my entire life, every single day, that way.”
Pretty inspiring, isn’t it?! And yet with an easy translation into the life of any one of us. It’s possible to be motivated by a life Purpose. And it’s also possible to be happy with a series of little-p purposes.
Takeaway
It’s great to have a Purpose that motivates you and gives your life meaning. But it’s also possible to be very happy with little-p purposes.
Also read: The four stages of retirement and how to plan for them
This article originally appeared on Don Ezra’s website.
Do you take satisfaction in ‘little p’ purpose? Is that a characteristic of a glass half full personality? Can it mean the difference between a happy retirement and one that is conflicted? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
I found this subject so pertinent that I wrote recently a poem called “Sole Purpose” that I would like to share with you:
I thought we were all Purpose Built, for when at birth all I had to do was come head first, make a cry, open my eyes and give a smile.
With my entry to the world, I also thought as part of my delivery, I would come with a Purpose Built, Sole Purpose script, which would get me underway.
When at school I was Purpose led, by focusing on succeeding. Then came the time to make a choice of which life direction I should take? With no sign of Sole Purpose there, it seemed none would be revealed.
An envy’s there when I do compare, with those who always had, an obvious Sole Purpose conviction. A future sealed from the start, when seeking a career, where everything would come more naturally, a life of work that’s fun.
With time, life presents its trials and tribulations. Occasionally, there is that sense of “Aaah!” , this could be who I’m meant to be. But then the tide of hope would reverse, and gradually disappear. The Purpose felt, that once was there, was but a temporary illusion. As years go by, a new Purpose comes and creates a thrill, followed by a deflating spell, as it slowly gets washed away!
You know what, this idea that we all must have a preordained Sole Purpose, could be but a misled thought. What if Sole Purpose could maybe be pluralised, by having more than one!
“A lifetime of many Purposes”, may not be your expected response when asked, ”What is your life’s Sole Purpose ?”
If we accept we have a Sense of Purpose, which guides us on our way. And if that Sense leads us on our journey by engaging many Purposes, we may find a new strength which we gain through the growth of our inner Sense of Self!
The significance of developing a stronger Sense of Self, facilitates our inner strength to service each Purpose we are dealt. And yes, the reward from life’s adventure of many Purposes, may come from an inner joy that lingers within a happy Sense of Self.
And so, my life pursuit of Sole Purpose, may ultimately have been achieved: A Sole journey of many Purposes, propelled by a Sense of Self, Purpose Built for me!!
I am 88yrs old and can explain what the purpose of life is first hand, that is within living memory, not from hearsay or from the convoluted meanderings of educated psycologists, philosophers, journalists, and historians.
THE GIFT OF LIFE
The World will not stop turning, the seasons will never change
Life is but a movement that man cannot rearrange
Movement causes friction, friction causes wear and tear
To everything upon the earth until it’s beyond repair
Death is not the door to heaven, death is history
The future follows death with relentless certainty
The seeds of life planted and the seeds of thought sown
Are the heaven and hell created by each of us alone
If there’s to be a Heaven it must be here on Earth
Created by humanity and handed down at birth.
The gift of life comes with the instinct to survive
Fuelled by the power to reason that’s keeping us alive
The benefits are plain to see all written down in history
Knowledge could last forever getting better all the time
But we are running out of paper and putting it Online
Where all Times and Dates are out of sync
With the Earth’s rotation that first prompted us to think.
Bearing this in mind I designed Global Calendar Clocks
To mark and measure a year when I gave up designing frocks.
Now Knowledge can be shared by all in the proper order
Never hidden by State Secret Acts behind a Territorial Border
We are not individuals, we are the one and only living link
In the evolution of the Human Race fueled by the Power to think.
The gift of life is the glue that cements all knowledge together
The Internet takes us everywhere, safely in all kinds of weather.
No more risking my neck stepping off the ground onto a floating deck
Floating to the other side of Earth took 40days plus
If I was in a hurry flying was a must
As I floated high in the sky the Earth went on around without me
So it was only 12hrs before halfway was right beneath me.
I spent many years ground hopping in this way
But now I am old I am not so bold
I hope the Internet is here to stay.