The problem with resolutions

My New Year resolution last year was never to write another story about New Year resolutions and here, in the tradition of every resolution I’ve ever made, I’m breaking it.

I’m writing a story about New Year resolutions to warn you to never read another story about this futile pursuit.

And if you’ve got any sense, stop reading this one.

Let me explain why.

Someone did a survey last year and found that in the US the most popular resolution was to lose weight.

With 160 million Americans now considered obese or overweight, how do you reckon that went?

Other popular resolutions included exercising more and eating better.

Have you been to the US recently? There isn’t a takeaway food joint that doesn’t offer a deep-fried heart attack as a specialty of the house, washed down, of course, with a free can of soda.

I recently came across an article headlined 40 achievable New Year resolutions for happier and healthier living.

Forty? Given most people don’t adhere to one, I thought 40 would be a stretch, but I read on.

An early recommendation was for women. “Weekend retreats for women are relaxing and active. Enjoy sunrise yoga, kayaking, rock climbing and hiking.”

So, off you go ladies, and let me know how the rock climbing goes. I’ll be waiting at the bar with a pina colada laughing heartily at the other 39 recommendations.

Last month, I stepped on my scales and noticed that I was getting close to 100 kilograms. Hey, I’m tall.

I pondered things. I could start a diet immediately, or I could wait a couple of months and make it my New Year resolution.

I figured it was unwise to wait. Obesity kills.

Besides, I had already decided that my 2020 New Year resolution would be to write this story, declaring I would never write another New Year resolution story and what a hypocrite I’d be if I didn’t write this. I’d actually be doing exactly what I resolved last year.

Are you still with me?

Of course you’re not. You’ve sensibly gone off to do something more worthwhile, like climb a rock.

As for me, I am definitely never writing another New Year resolution story and if my editor asks me to, I’ll resign, if I’m not sacked first, because I’m pretty sure this wasn’t the sort of New Year resolution story she was expecting.

Do you make New Year resolutions? What’s your track record when it comes to keeping them?

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Written by Perko

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