Bloody hilarious Friday Funnies

It’s World Blood Donor Day today and while we applaud all blood donors and encourage everyone who can to donate, we decided we should have a little fun with them too.


My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion but we didn’t know his blood type. He just kept saying, “B positive, B positive”. But it was hard to be positive when he was dying.


Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.

I’ll have a glass of blood,” said one.

“I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the other.

“Okay,” replied the bartender, “That’ll be one blood and one blood lite.”


Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.


A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the pre-screening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.

“Have you ever paid for sex?” the woman asked the husband sweetly.

Glancing wearily over at his wife, who was trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, “Oh yes”, he sighed. “Every time.”


Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, the captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph. One of them asked the captain, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?”

The captain replied, “If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid.”

All of the men sat and marvelled at the courage of such a manly man’s man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but 10 pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders.

Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, “Get me my brown pants.”


Told my Asian dad my blood type is B+
He was so disappointed.

Do know any blood-related jokes? Care to share?

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Janelle Ward
Janelle Ward
Energetic and skilled editor and writer with expert knowledge of retirement, retirement income, superannuation and retirement planning.
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