Friday Funnies: Keeping to curfew

Font Size:

A man in North Korea is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

“What did you do that for?” he asks.

“Curfew violation,” the other guard says.

“Curfew violation? Curfew isn’t for another half hour!”

“I know. That’s my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.”

•••

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Italian are captured by ISIS and have their legs tied to a wooden chair with their hands behind them as they are tortured for information.

First, they go to the Frenchman. Before they lay a single hit on him, he spills everything he knows.

Then, they go to the English man. They hit him and hit him for five minutes before finally he gives up and tells them everything he knows.

Finally, they go to the Italian. They beat him and beat him for hours and hours to the point where he looks almost dead, but he doesn’t say a thing. Finally, they give up. The ISIS members untie all of them and throw them into a cell together.

The Frenchman and the Englishman are extremely surprised. “How did you manage not to say anything?” the Frenchman asked.

The Italian shrugged, “I wanted to, but they tied me up and I couldn’t move my hands!”

•••

A balding, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store on a Friday evening with a much younger, beautiful woman at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5000 ring.

The man said, “No, I’d like to see something more special.”

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweller said.

The woman’s eyes sparkled and her body shook with excitement.

Seeing this, the man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated: “By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.”

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the man and said: “Sir, there’s no money in that account.”

“I know,” said the man. “But let me tell you about my weekend.”

Join YourLifeChoices today
and get this free eBook!

Join
By joining YourLifeChoices you consent that you have read and agree to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

RELATED LINKS

Friday Funnies: Saddle up for some unbridled laughs

With the Melbourne Cup just around the corner, we bring you our best equestrian gags.

Why men and women of faith are the funniest

Laughs from behind the pulpit deliver real rib-ticklers.

Friday Funnies: An interesting sales technique

A kid takes a new approach to selling toothbrushes, while another meets a pirate.

Written by Ben

0 Comments

Total Comments: 0

    FACEBOOK COMMENTS



    SPONSORED LINKS

    continue reading

    Property

    Small bedroom tips to maximise space and style

    For many of us, house space is a fiercely contested commodity, and you need to squeeze the most out of...

    COVID-19

    Aussies much more willing to be vaccinated than Americans

    The United States has had nearly as many COVID-19 cases as Australia has people. More than 400,000 have died of...

    Stylewatch

    Goldie Hawn at 75: The Hollywood star's fashion and beauty evolution

    Goldie Hawn, one of Hollywood's most beloved stars, is famous as much for her acting talents as she is for...

    Government

    US still reels from the deadly consequences of 'alternative facts'

    Jennifer S. Hunt, Australian National University Every four years on January 20, the US exercises a key tenet of democratic...

    COVID-19

    Tennis stars call Australian Open quarantine 'insane' and like prison

    Entitled, pampered, whingers. Elite sports professionals victims of the greatest overreaction to COVID-19 in the world. Those are the poles...

    Finance News

    RBA reveals why retirees have to bear the brunt of low interest rates

    The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) knows that the negative consequences of low interest rates disproportionately affect retirees, but believes...

    Diseases

    Blood pressure medication helps even the frailest seniors live longer

    Taking blood pressure medication as prescribed helps seniors aged 65 and over people live longer. And the healthiest older people...

    Estate planning & wills

    Common mistakes when writing your will

    It can be daunting and even overwhelming at times, but writing your will is an essential part of planning for...

    LOADING MORE ARTICLE...