Friday Funnies: Politicians

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A frightened man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”
“Why did you come here?” he was asked. “Go to the regular police.”
“I will. I’m just here to say that I disagree with whatever the parrot is going to say.”


What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter ‘F’.


Q: What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?
A: In a capitalist society, man exploits man, and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around.


We should have known communism would never work, there were so many red flags.


What do you get when you ask a politician for ‘the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth’?
Three different answers.


If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
Jon Stewart


A murderer, politician and religious man walks into a bar.
And that’s just the first guy.


A thief pressed a knife to a man’s ribcage and said, “Give me your money!”
Shocked, the man replied, “You can’t do this to me! I’m a politician!”
The thief replied, “In that case, give me my money!” 


How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to assure the public that they’re doing everything they can to fix the issue while the other screws the bulb into a faucet.


Stop blaming politicians and start blaming fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.

Did we forget any classic political jokes? Share them in the comment section below.

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Written by Liv Gardiner


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