Friday Funnies: wise and witty

A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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If both basketball teams just worked together, they could score so many more points.

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When people tell me “You’re going to regret that in the morning!”, I sleep in until noon because I’m a problem solver.

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If at first you don’t succeed, hide all evidence that you tried.

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A bank is a place you can borrow money if you can prove that you don’t need it.

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Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.

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Of course I talk to myself: sometimes I need expert advice.

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Go three days without your favourite thing. Then go three days without sleep. You’ll realise that sleep is actually your favourite thing.

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An apple a day can keep anyone away … if you throw it hard enough.

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I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. In fact, I don’t even know where the box is.

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Written by Liv Gardiner

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