18th Aug 2016
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Friday Funnies: wonderful ‘walks into a bar’ jokes
funny cool chihuahua dog drinking cocktails at the bar

‘A man walks into a bar’ jokes are oldies but goodies. And even better are some of the newer additions to this wonderful canon of comical cracks. Go on, have a chuckle on us.

Nose
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."

Gorilla
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 note.

The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.

Then the bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I ain't coming back, either."

Cheese sandwich
A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm.

"A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.

"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman. "We don't serve food in here."

Talking dog
A dog walks into a bar and hops up onto a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"

The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's out the back."

Little Pianist
Jerry walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, "That's amazing. How did you get that?"

The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish. Jerry rubs the bottle, and a genie pops out in a puff of smoke and tells Jerry that he can have one wish.

Jerry thinks for a minute and says, "I wish I had a million bucks."

The genie says, "Okay, go outside, and your wish will be granted."

Jerry goes outside, but all he finds are ducks filling the sky and roads. He goes back in and tells his friend what happened, and his friend replies, "I know. Did you really think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?"

And I’ll leave you with my all-time favourite …
A termite walks into a bar and asks:

“Is the bartender here?”

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    COMMENTS

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    Occasional Traveller
    26th Aug 2016
    11:11am
    All time favourite? Thank goodness for Google!!!

    "It is a pun, but kind of hard to explain. Basically, it's because termites eat wood, and the bar is made of wood. A 'bartender' is someone who works behind a bar, but in this case, the joke is that the termite is asking if the "bar" is "tender" (i.e., nice to eat)."
    Sen.Cit.90
    26th Aug 2016
    12:42pm
    thanks mate I was stumped
    CindyLou
    28th Aug 2016
    7:48pm
    Me too !
    FrankC
    19th Nov 2016
    5:04pm
    and me. TY
    The pom
    26th Aug 2016
    4:27pm
    A Roman Centurion walked into a bar and asked for a Martinius. The bar tender said did you want A martini, and the Centurion said "If I had wanted two I would have ordered them".
    Gumnut
    10th Sep 2016
    1:01pm
    an old Shelly Burman joke - love. Beware the Ides of March, I said Juli - don't go!.
    Bazbee
    16th Sep 2016
    11:46am
    Should be Martinus, to be strictly accurate.
    Bill R
    26th Aug 2016
    5:05pm
    A man walked into a bar. He needed 7 stitches.
    Gumnut
    10th Sep 2016
    1:03pm
    You will love this.
    https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B30wsi9rRHEFSjRzSUdXM2MzUkE/view


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