Friday Funnies keeps it brief

We’ve curated 20 terrifically funny two-line jokes.

Friday Funnies: 20 terrifically funny two-liners

The simple things in life are often the best – and this witty aphorism also applies to jokes. So, we’ve curated 20 terrifically funny two-line jokes for you to share with your friends.

My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it’s not going to come.

What’s green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.

Apparently, someone in Brazil gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bugger!

I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.

Some people have a genetic predisposition for diarrhoea.
It runs in their jeans.

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey.

To the handicapped man who stole my bag.
You can hide but you can’t run.

I took the shell off my racing snail so he could move faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.

I tried to catch some fog yesterday.
But I mist.

What is the first rule of Alzheimer’s club?
Don’t talk about chess club.

Why does a chicken coup have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

How do you make holy water?
Put it in a pot and boil the hell out of it.

What happened to the cow that tried to jump a barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.

How do you defend yourself if you’re attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler.

Have you heard the rumour going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

You can never lose a homing pigeon.
If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, you’ve only lost a pigeon.

Do you have any good two-liners you’d like to share with our members?



    To make a comment, please register or login
    1st Feb 2019
    It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature
    1st Feb 2019
    Its NOT funny to make jokes about Alzheimer's disease. Your Life Choices you should be ashamed of yourself!
    1st Feb 2019
    The alzheimers wasn't funny, buit that was not because it was about Alzheimers, so dont get too steamed up about it, Sam
    1st Feb 2019
    I’d rather laugh at Alzheimer’s than cry about it.
    2nd Feb 2019
    it's not really funny to make fun.
    2nd Feb 2019
    it's not really funny to make fun.

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