It’s Valentine’s Day, and love is in the air. At least that’s what greeting card companies, florists and restaurants are hoping. For them, Valentine’s Day can be a very profitable affair. But how important is it to the average Australian?
How important is it to those of us who are 50-plus? And for those in that age bracket who are looking for love, what are the important factors that will help you find it?
For most of us in our ‘golden’ years, when it comes to love and marriage, our perspective on what those concepts mean has changed. That’s not to say we are no longer romantic. Many older people still embrace the idea of love but, depending on their circumstances, it will mean different things to different people.
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While many young lovers are celebrating what might be a first or second relationship, there’s a good chance those who first felt the spark 30, 40 or even 50 years ago have experienced several relationships, perhaps even several marriages.
As Valentine’s Day rolls around again, some older couples will celebrate decades of love. Others might have been through a relationship break-up and are embarking on a new chapter of love. And others still might be in mourning, having lost a long-term loved one due to death or the end of a relationship. For them, Valentine’s Day can be anything but a celebration.
As a 58-year-old, my years of ‘romance’ extend back four decades. My marriage ended in 2010 after 20 years. (I won’t say ‘failed’. My ex-wife and I both believe those two decades were filled with many successes, not least two beautiful boys.) Since then, I’ve had a few short-term relationships but am now very happily single.
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But Valentine’s Day still has meaning for me. In part, that’s because my ex-wife and I first ‘got together’ on Valentine’s Day in 1988. In the first year or two after our break-up, it was a day of sadness. Now, in my ‘mature’ (some may disagree) years, I look back on that relationship and its beginning with great fondness.
For those looking for love, be it the first or 14th time, what do we seek? According to a survey commissioned by online dating service eharmony, when it comes to marriage material, the factors that rank highest are: being honest (82 per cent), trustworthy (79 per cent) and respectful (74 per cent).
According to eharmony’s psychologist, Sharon Draper, there’s no surprise in this. “When you’re looking at the long term, these are the sorts of shared values that ensure people have the best chance of staying together,” she said.
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The eharmony survey ranked 21 factors, and the ones that appeared higher on the ‘ladder’ were those that related to long-term happiness, rather than initial spark. Being supportive came in at 73 per cent, having similar values at 65 per cent and being willing to compromise at 63 per cent.
As it turns out, the factors that many of us worry about the most tend to be of far less importance to those considering our suitability as a long-term and/or marriage partner. Sexual compatibility (53 per cent) comes well down the list at number 14 and, in good news for people like me who have lost the hair on the top of their heads, attractiveness came in even lower at 35 per cent.
These factors, says Ms Draper, “might spark an initial attraction but may not guarantee rapport in a decades-long relationship”.
You might be tempted to dress up to the nines and shower your partner, or prospective partner with gifts this Valentine’s Day. While there’s nothing wrong with doing that, it is more likely your own positive characteristics – honesty, respect, support and the like – will help make, or maintain, a happy, successful relationship.
What do you believe are the most important traits for a lasting relationship? Why not share your thoughts in the comments section below?
