There's nothing better than a great one-liner, except maybe a good two-liner! We all deserve a good laugh every now and then – and these two liners will certainly deliver.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth and only won a toaster.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

I now live in constant fear.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Parallel lines have so much in common.

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.

You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.

He also has a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Someone stole my mood ring.

I don’t know how to feel about that.

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they’re very efficient and not very funny.

Which one is your favourite? Do you know any good two-liners? Why not share them with our members?