How to (finally and actually) be happy
We’re all in search of happiness. But where will we find it? Is it in finding meaning through our work or career, securing a nice home for our family or dedicating our time to enjoying ourselves?
Late last year I experienced a difficult time in life. I went in search of something that would bring me some peace. Historically a bit of a cynic, turning to meditation and Buddhism was a long-shot for me. But at that point in my life, I was willing to try anything.
Gen Kelsang Dornying is a sparky, contemporary Buddhist monk and teacher at the Kadampa Meditation Centre Melbourne. I did a day course with him and it literally changed my entire outlook on life. For the better.
Recently in this Time Out article, he said:
“We say in Buddhism that all the happiness there is in this world arises from wishing others to be happy, and all the suffering there is arises from wishing ourselves to be happy”, Gen Dornying says. “But if we try to love others and act to benefit them a confident happy self will emerge automatically.”
On seeking happiness, he has these simple tips:
“Take a few minutes to close your eyes and reflect on all the people in the world who have the same problems as you, but perhaps to a greater degree. As soon as you do, you’ll feel better – the hard edges of suffering will be reduced.”
“Try to empathise with people. If you’re sitting on the train, all of those people on the train have people that love them, worries, fears, suffering, trauma and people that miss them. Take a few seconds to tune into that and think, ‘I care about you’. Inwardly, just say the word in your heart. Don’t say it out loud because you’ll look like a nutter.”
What do you think about this attitude to happiness?
I have just had the happiest of weekends. I stayed with my son and his partner who I love dearly and always thoroughly enjoy their company and we all went to the Broadbeach blues festival which was fantastic. The last act was Eric Burden which lifted me to the highest extreme of happiness. So it was a weekend of love, music, dancing and meeting with lots of equally happy, lovely strangers. And all free to boot.....sure beats the overpriced Byron Bay Blues Festival.
I don't strive for happiness Amelia. I experience it as an emotional state of being along with sadness and all of my other emotions. Best to just flow with the lot I reckon as they come and go. I don't think it's wise or even possible to talk ourselves out of anything we are feeling in order to experience only good feelings. Every emotion we have is experienced for good reason so acknowledging the emotion and attempting to understand it if it is difficult or confusing (pain, anger, unhappiness etc) is one of the most self caring things we can do. People get into strife when they judge their emotions rather than accept and learn from them.