New Terrorist Alerts by John Cleese
THREAT ALERTS IN 2017 EUROPE (AND AUST).
From JOHN CLEESE
(And if you don't know who he is, go and find some Monty Python to watch)
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled."
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese,
British writer, actor and tall person
Taken from goodreads.com
John Cleese real views
John Cleese supports Brexit: ‘May is like Thatcher but with a sense of humour’
COMIC John Cleese has told why he backed Brexit and how he is now extremely optimistic about the future of Britain outside the EU.
21:22, Mon, Oct 10, 2016 | UPDATED: 21:32, Mon, Oct 10, 2016
The Fawlty Towers star, 76, told Radio Times he was “delighted” all the doom-mongers had been proven wrong about what would happen if Britain left the EU and said he liked new Prime Minister Theresa May, who he felt was like a “Margaret Thatcher with a sense of humour”.
He said: “I don’t think Brexit was a mistake. I’m rather delighted that all these forecasts of absolute doom and destruction have turned out, at this point, not to have been real.
“I don’t want to be ruled by Brussels bureaucrats who want to create a super state. If I had three words to sum up why we had to get out of Europe they would be: Jean-Claude Juncker.
“He’s a little jumped-up Luxemb*****r who’s never really had a proper job.”