Snippets that amuse me
Never, never confess to someone that you’ve forgotten what they’re called.
The soul-shrivelling experience of a former newspaper colleague taught me that. In the early 1960s, Bob Hutchings was a young Fleet Street reporter yearning to work for a big American title.
He landed an interview with the editor of the Los Angeles Times and flew to California. Arriving at their offices on a November afternoon, he immediately sensed a strained atmosphere.
The receptionist giving him his pass had clearly been weeping. Upstairs, the editor’s PA had mascara streaking her cheeks as she pressed the intercom. ‘The English guy is here, sir.’ Bob stared at her. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked. ‘Everyone seems really upset.’ She stared back. ‘Haven’t you heard? Our president’s been shot!’
It never occurred to him she meant Kennedy. He thought she was talking about the head of the LA Times and silently cursed as he tried and failed to remember his name. Next moment, the harassed editor appeared. ‘
C’mon in, Bob. Heard the news? About our president?’ Bob sank into a chair and nodded. ‘Yes. How awful.’ He decided to play it straight. ‘I’m so sorry… I don’t recall his name. What was it?’
Two minutes later, the ace reporter was bundled out on to the street. He was probably the only journalist flying out of the United States on 22 November 1963 while the rest of Planet Hack was pouring in.
WOMEN WHO READ
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading my book," she replied...as she thought to herself, "isn't it obvious?" "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her. "But officer, I'm not fishing, Can't you see that?", she said. "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." replied the sheriff. "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman. "But I haven't even touched you." groused the sheriff. "Yes, that's true," she replied, "but you do have all the equipment.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read. It's likely she can also think.